Letter To a Friend

I can still remember where I was when I found out you were gone. It was a Sunday afternoon. All the windows in my kitchen were open, cicadas were buzzing all around. I didn’t want to believe it. It couldn’t be true. I talked to you on Friday night but there it was, on your Facebook wall; you died on Saturday night…

Your last post was vague then, but clear now. You were sad. You were alone. You were scared. I read it over and over until the words began to blur and the air left my lungs. I hit the wall and slid down onto the linoleum, the stucco wall nicked and pulled my sweater. With my phone between my feet, I stared at your picture. I knew your face so well, your tattoos, your voice. I would never see you again.

We’d never go thrift shopping, never talk until the sun started to rise, drink expensive coffee out of over-sized mugs. There were so many things I never got to tell you. I finally listened to that album you gave me.  You helped me through so much, you made me a better person. A stronger person.

I can still remember driving through the desert with you, dishes rattling in the trunk and your little dog in the backseat. I’ll dream about you sometimes, it always ends the same way. I ask you to come with me and you always say you can’t. Then I watch you drive away until I can’t see your taillights anymore.

It never gets easier. Certain songs hit me hard enough to take my breath away. Some days it’s all I think about, like today…

bethany

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One thought on “Letter To a Friend

  1. It’s too sad truly. What we so often forget, is that we are ALL dying, every day, a little for some, more for others. We so often don’t notice when others are depressed, not because we don’t care, but because they hide it so well. I wish you healing x x

    Liked by 1 person

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