4th Submission (trauma-userboxes (Elli))

I was the youngest in a household with two teenagers, a drunk father, and a neglectful mother. I spent a lot of time alone isolated from almost everyone else and I barely had any friends during school. When I was around 8, my sister who was 20 at the time got married to a 57 year-old man. He was living with us for years until I was 14. He molested and raped me many times throughout all 6 years. My father died when I turned 10 and in short cursed my entire family on his deathbed. Back tracking to when I was 11, I had met a 16 year-old guy that also raped me and abused me for 2 years. While he had been hurting me I still grew close to him and had what would stereotypically be Stockholm Syndrome. For the two years I knew him I was repeatedly abused at home with my brother-in-law and outside of home with him. My grades slipped and I developed a serious eating disorder that is responsible for 70 lbs of weight loss into dangerous levels to where I was around 5’1 and 95 lbs for a small while. I started to seriously cut, ending up with inch deep gashes in my legs and arms everywhere. People somehow still found me attractive and I ended up selling myself (and doing lots of drugs. Like. Lots.)at around 16 or so. I soon stopped at 17 (earlier this year at my current age~ish it’s difficult to explain why the ~ish is there)(I still have not stopped with the drugs. I’m working on it) because ya know. Difficult to explain why I’m sleeping with older men for money at that age or any age. Back tracking to around 15, I had to regularly have dinner with both my brother-in-laws and speak to them even though the one had knowingly to my entire family raped and molested me and the other that had knowingly hit and abused me and my other sister. I still do. For the past few months I’ve been fighting very hard in order to get past what happened to me in a family that excused the known rape and abuse from other family that I had endured. Thank you for listening ❤

Yours Truly,

trauma-userboxes (Elli)

2 thoughts on “4th Submission (trauma-userboxes (Elli))”

  1. Jesus! How do i LIKE this? What you’ve gone through and continue to go through is tantamount to the most horrific torture used on people in war camps. Even worse. How you haven’t just killed yourself makes YOU a fucking miracle!! I can’t tell you how sore this makes me feel. Because I TOTALLY feel it and get it and understand it, but cannot yet say why, but I think you know. Drugs ease the pain, the torment, the horror. So be gentle on yourself for that. One day at a time. I cannot tell you what to do, because I don’t know who you are, but I CAN say, that you must remember that you’re a Supreme Being! You ARE LIFE, not living life. Love yourself. What they did to you, makes THEM the sick ones, not you. Hug yourself, and then start leaving it all behind. Lots of love and courage to you x x x

    Liked by 1 person

  2. That sounds very traumatic. :/ I’m sorry to hear about what happened to you. Try to put in behind you though and just use your will power to better your life everyday from now on. You are so strong being able to get this out honestly. But use that strength to get through the harsh times and things in your life. That strength will guide you to a much happier path if you can use it for positivity. I’m that you endured that though is really awful to hear that someone has had to go through that.

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