What is depression? Is it sadness? Is it hopelessness? Or is it something different?
According to Mainstreet: Depression is far worse than those by themselves. Try all those combined and them some.
In my case specifically, it started with sadness and kept getting worse until I had lost myself completely. Fully drowned in darkness, on a endless journey to find a light. 6 months had went by this way. Day by day it got more and more over whelming finally couldn’t take anymore and attempted to slit my wrist with a broken piece of glass, fortunately it wouldn’t go deep enough. I was trying to escape my problems and this hell we call life.
It wasn’t the right choice though. Matter of fact, it was the most selfish thing I had ever done because that would have damaged so many lives of the people I care about.
However the day after, was so overwhelming I had spent over 6 hours wondering what I was thinking doing that. Luckily after 6 hours I came to a conclusion. The 6 months of darkness I been dwelling in was only because I couldn’t stop thinking about only the negative things that kept happening to me starting with the death of my grandma on New Years Eve, to losing my job for visiting her in the hospital, to losing my vehicle and not having the money to fix it, and finishing with my 3 and 1/2 years as an electrician helper, applying yearly for the apprenticeship and like the last 2 years I got rejected a third time. This was just a series of shit getting thrown at me and fully drenched my subconscious past the point of being sad until I just went dim and numb. I had become like a cancer to my friends and family because I couldn’t feel happiness or sadness or any emotion except this cold, numb feeling.
Thinking about this for 6 hours, I found out the only thing I needed to do was be happy, or find a purpose or a reason for living. I did. It was friends, family, and the many people I haven’t finished helping out. These were all the things I had taken for granted. In other words I still had a purpose here. All I needed was to set goals to achieve and let my friends help cheer me up and to start laughing, smiling, and once again having fun. Just recently out of this depression I found the best feeling ever.
To feel once again. I had my whole life figured out for the first time. I got my goals set and will not stop trying until I die from being old or the world is changed for the better and impacted by myself and many others with the same dreams as myself.
Depression isn’t something that just hurts you, it hurts all the ones around. Look at it like cancer. When one is depressed it sucks the life out of those around them just like cancer spreading through many cells that it touches. So if you ever feel lost or dull, try to surround yourself in positivity and accept the bad things as stepping stones and learning experiences. Whenever there is darkness there’s always a light behind it. Don’t give up and stay strong. Find the light and hold on to it once you’ve found it.
Depression: Is only what you make it. To be happy, just be happy and look beyond the fog. You will find your salvation. It’s there, through something, through people, or though goals. Keep your head up.