So, my oldest sister, who totally raised me till I was 8, as mother didn’t, has been battling cancer for the past two years.
shes one of the bravest women I’ve ever known, and even when her lungs filled up with tumours making it impossible for her to breathe, without being attached to oxygen 24/7 , whenever I texted her as to how she was feeling, coz she couldn’t talk, thanks to the fucken tumours in her lungs, she’d always txt back that she felt FINE. Never ever has she complained once, about the pain, the nausea or anything else.
in fact, when she lost her hair due to the first chemo treatment, her attitude was “it’s no problem, it’ll grow again, and they say new hair is super soft ” she’s always had a full, thick head of hair.
I received a message from her Son today, to tell me that she’s suddenly, drastically gone down. She woke up this morning, feeling very ill, and can’t even walk. So basically, they don’t expect her to make it through the weekend even.
I need help.
She lives in South Africa. I’m in the U.K. So, I’d have to fly out to her, which I’m shit scared of, due to my mental illness. I won’t cope with the trauma on my own, and my husband can’t accompany me if I make this trip. All my kids have told me not to go, due to my conditions, and I don’t know if I’ll even get to her before she passes away. There’s no way of knowing.
i adore her. What should I do?
let life take its course, and accept that what IS just IS? I am powerless against this disease. I can’t make her better.
or, should I fly out to hopefully see her before she passes, risking my mental illness going out of control?
please give me your thoughts. I need help!