You wake up, having had a decent nights sleep, there is no THING that you’re worried about, but your chest feels tight, your hearts beating quite fast, and you’re paralysed with intense terror. You can’t move. You feel sick, and so you start to frantically search your mind for a reason!! You must have a reason for this right?
”what happened yesterday?” You ask yourself. And there it begins….
you go through everything you can think of, to try to find a reason for the paralysing fear that’s taken a firm hold.
“Have I upset anyone?, …..(not that you can recall)
”Do I have unpaid bills? (Which normally wouldn’t make you panic, but we’re trying to find out WHY you’re screwed right now)…nope they’re paid up.
Maybe I sent the wrong text to that friend, but I meant well, or, maybe I’m concerned in some sub-conscious way, that I’ve not been a good parent, or maybe I’m afraid of the future? OH NO, HOLD ON, I DONT EVER CONSIDER THE FUTURE, IT DOSENT EXIST! So that’s not it…..ok, well WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!!!! You scream inside your head, as your palms are now sweating profusely, and you’re definitely going to vomit on the floor any minute.
”oh God” you start to pray “please help me “…..and your bargaining with God begins. Of course, you know that there isn’t a man in the sky with a grey beard, but like a child writes to Santa, you now believe in that greybearded man, all powerful, all love, plus he’s magic.
After an hour passes, and you’re feeling worse, your heads now cracking, you start breathing deeply.
It then occurs to you, that your mind is a machine. A robot of sorts, and it holds onto shit that happened 20 years ago, that you’ve long since forgotten about. But you see, your minds not gonna tell you WHAT shit it’s holding, because your mind holds “feelings “ not thought, so you could see someone from long ago, who hurt you in some way you can’t recall, but the “feeling “ of hurt is instantly ignited.
”ok” you tell yourself, “something about way back when, is invading my head space and I’m slowly dying. If I knew what it was, I could deal with it, but I don’t, SO WHAT DO I DO??? You plead.
Guess what? You don’t DO you DROP.
Start writing down every persons name that you spoke to in the past week or two. Are you uneasy? DROP IT.
Check your emails, who they were from, and were they kind or not? If not, DELETE IMMEDIATELY. DROP IT.
Write down everything you’ve planned, or want to plan, including the “should haves, the could haves “ as well as every other thought that comes to mind. Including making yourself a cup of tea. DROP IT.
DROP EVERYTHING. AND I MEAN EVERYTHING.
You have to drop your mind. You already feel like you’re losing it, so let it go.
Now you have a blank canvas to work with. Remove the clutter and lies your mind constantly feeds you, by simply ignoring it.
IT ANGRILY COMES FULL FORCE AT YOU,
“But it’s my weekend with the kids and I promised them we’d go to movies “ …( uh, nope. We’ll watch something at home, make a tent with sheets over the couch and mess popcorn).
“ ha! You forgot to ring your mother yesterday “ (uh, yeah, I’ll try do that later, no worries)
“I can’t afford my rent this month, and that asshole I was with, won’t help me. What am I going to do?” (Uh, it’s not the end of the month, simple)
DROP, DROP, DROP…
You see your mind cannot function without you, but you can function perfectly well without it. The piece, that like an annoying child, won’t shut up.
no amount of clutching and clawing and pleading will stop your angst, unless you perhaps snort a tree trunk of the white stuff, so you don’t have a choice, but to drop it.
There is enormous freedom and space, never mind liberation when you just BE. When you stop agonising over crap you are only feeling, not remembering. Your mind is not to be trusted.
so stop trying to think the ghost terror out. Remember, they’re all ghosts, and you were taught from when you were a kid, that ghosts are terrifying. Now you’re not a kid, the only ghosts that seem as real to you today, like they felt when you were little, is your mind.
Its not real!